You know what’s wrong with the American economy, Bucko? You, that’s what.
Yeah, yeah, it’s true that the reckless global gambling schemes of Wall Street bankers are what wrecked our economy — and, yes, Congress and the Federal Reserve have used trillions of our public dollars to bail out miscreant bankers, while ignoring the plight of people like you whose jobs, businesses, homes and middle-class incomes have been devastated by banker greed. And, sure, it’s also true that corporations are hoarding $2 trillion in cash and getting billions of dollars a year in subsidies from taxpayers like you, yet refusing to hire Americans or to make job-creating investments in our country.
But blah-blah-blah, Bucko, this does not excuse your refusal to do your duty as an American consumer. CEOs say that they won’t start hiring until you consumer slugs get out there and spend, spend, spend.
And don’t use the whiney excuse that you’re out of work or mired in debt — Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke says that he has looked at macro economic statistics and concluded that you’re just being irrationally negative about the health of our economy. “Households seem exceptionally cautious,” declared the perplexed Fed chairman recently, suggesting that your lack of confidence in the economy is a psychosis that’s fueling a larger depression. Yes, chimed in another Federal Reserve banker, “it’s hard to have a robust recovery when Americans are so dispirited.”
So, hey — perk up, America! Stop waiting on Wall Street, Washington and corporate chieftains to do something. Forget economic reality — just pull out your credit cards, put on a smile, and march to the mall.
Wow, I can’t tell you how much more confidence I have in our economic future knowing that America’s corporate and political leaders are so insightful and in-touch. How about ...