Why America is the greatest country

I just know that everything is okay because I live in the greatest country. And America is the greatest country because everything is okay.

Image Credit: Asylum 13 Riots!

That America is the greatest country today and in the history of mankind is of no doubt. It feels really silly to even write an article about such an indisputable fact. We are the sole superpower with the biggest economy, the most desired currency and the mightiest military. If you’re reading this, you can thank the American innovation called the Internet. Throughout the world, people listen to American music, watch American movies and pay a premium for American brands – from clothing to electronics to food – and dream of immigrating to America. That’s called Soft Power.

Of course, America is not a paradise where everything is perfect. Let’s address some of the concerns of the nitpicking naysayers.

Is everyone in America wealthy? Well, a majority of Americans live from paycheck to paycheck, tens of millions don’t earn enough to pay for their own food and healthcare, young people are turning into debt serfs due to student loans, people close to retirement have no savings, and the top 0.1% have as much wealth as the bottom 90%. Jeff Bezos made over $100 million a day in 2017, while Amazon warehouse employees work like slaves who built the pyramids. The takeaway from all this: if you work hard and become rich, you never have to worry about such abysmal statistics.

Our government also has ever-increasing debt that will never be paid off. How will it all end? Will we default or impose severe austerity or use inflation to get rid of the debt? If the interest rates go up in the near future, will the stock market and the housing bubble burst again? Some people say that the Federal Reserve Bank has ruined the free market and our entire economy is inherently a Ponzi system that is destined to collapse. I don’t understand these crazy things, but when you live in the greatest country, you can rest assured that intractable problems will somehow be solved. (Maybe you should buy gold or cryptocurrencies, who knows?).

As a nation, we are getting sicker every day. That’s a puzzle, indeed. I don’t know why 70% of us are now obese or overweight. It wasn’t like that at all thirty or forty years ago. Perhaps it’s because there is abundance of awesome food made from great technology such as GMO and WWII chemical weapons that were turned into pesticides. Regardless of the root cause, isn’t it wonderful that we have had numerous solutions for the weight problems? Stay away from fatno, it’s the sugarno, really, it’s the carb … or, just go the gym. Finally, we have settled on the greatest solution: accept yourself, you’re beautiful regardless of your weight. If you have the right attitude, facts don’t matter.

Chronic illnesses are through the roof over the last few decades. Autism, asthma, arthritis, allergies, cancer, diabetes, immune disorders etc. all have skyrocketed in the recent decades. It’s a little strange that the greatest scientists can’t really figure out why. And nobody ever finds cures for these diseases. All we can do is control the symptoms, be on medications forever and trust science and medicine. If you live in the greatest country, how can you not believe that Big Pharma is working to make the world a better place?

If you’re worried about skyrocketing healthcare expenses, get a good job and don’t be like those 75 million Americans on Medicaid or those other tens of millions with no healthcare coverage at all. There’s no excuse in the greatest country.

When you’re rejoicing the glories of the greatest country, always take the time to thank our military-industrial complex. We have spent $20 trillion on military and wars since the end of Cold War in 1991. What a coincidence … that spending matches our national debt! Anyhow, we wouldn’t be the greatest country if we are not constantly eliminating monsters all over the world. Trust me, we only get rid of Hitlers. Go back and look at all the past media coverage … everyone was a Hitler. And they all had WMD’s and were planning to take over the world. That’s why when we killed 500,000 Iraqi children, Madeleine Albright rightly pointed out it was worth it.

Sometimes we drop 25,000 bombs and missiles in one year on ultra-poor people in Sudan, Yemen, Somalia etc. Thankfully, we never get to see the pictures of dead children — that would ruin the patriotic feeling. Spreading peace and freedom isn’t easy. Sometimes we arm and fund maniacal terrorists when they assist us in regime change operations (like in Afghanistan, Chechnya, Yugoslavia, Libya, Syria etc.), but I am happy that we eventually kill those terrorists. A happy ending makes everything okay.

The key to realizing the greatness of America is to get information from the mainstream media and then carefully repeat the opinions of wise pundits. You don’t think that the greatest nation would have liars and propagandists on TV, do you? When the same opinion is voiced by hundreds of experts in all the prestigious newspapers, magazines and social media, you know that you don’t have to think. We get prepackaged truth with easy-to-remember talking points!

Trust and faith are key to happiness. If you find yourself worrying about various issues, you’re not using all the wonderful tools that the greatest country provides you – sports, entertainment, social media, movies, TV shows, alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, consumerism etc.

I just know that everything is okay because I live in the greatest country. And America is the greatest country because everything is okay.


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