Transcribed by Robert Becker
Believe me, and I am Donald J. Trump, so you better. Or else. My gang knows how to handle whiners and malcontents. By the way, people — some good people, not rapists or criminals — plead, “We love you, Donald, but you need to describe when we were great. So we’ll all know how you will make America Great Again.”
A terrific idea — why didn’t I think of it myself? I love our exceptional history, full of amazing heroes doing amazing deeds. Too bad our Founders, who invented law and order by putting America First, aren’t around to re-pave the great white way. So saving America falls to me, and as my campaign shows I’m no politician — just a very rich guy who knows how to fix the failing business called America.
Remember, Founders weren’t politicians either but property owners like me, who built big things, got rich trading and doing real estate development. Some owned entire city blocks today worth billions, or ran factories or profited from huge cotton or tobacco plantations. Those were the days when men were men, and everyone instantly separated the winners from losers. Our country, in fact, kicked off what later got termed “survival of the fittest.”
Wealth of Nations
Because they totally safeguarded commerce, property rights and land development, the truly brilliant Constitution writers penned a perfect manifesto for letting capitalism have its way. Sure, we had to improve minor parts, like adding the Bill of Rights or directly electing senators. We even had to let our beautiful wives, mothers, sisters and daughters vote, as if equal to men with property. The blacks, too. And boy, are they grateful!
The big thing that made us great was dumping the broken Old World. Our small Revolutionary War army only had to smash the greatest military on earth. And had we not won independence, we’d still probably be handcuffed to disaster. Look at Europe, what a mess, with a ragtag EU so weak Brits had to leave, following our historic lead no doubt. Haven’t we’ve been relatively united since then, aside from a dozen rebellions, especially when southerners had to stand up against northern power? The only benefit I see is the Civil War dramatized our greatest president, Lincoln, the first Republican who left us our greatest legacy: unity.
Let me tell you, I had an unbelievable education, great prep school teachers who taught me all I need to know. That’s why I still believe what I did at 20. Making billions only reinforced core Yankee values, along with wisdom learned from my incredibly rich and successful father, the best mentor who finished my real-world training.
Some very misinformed people say I am no expert on foreign affairs, like touting Russia while dissing NATO. But who doubts what I know best: what made America great until our peak around 1959? Or 1952. Maybe 1982. I look at American history as the blueprint, proving when we were great and how we can be great again. That’s why I now make this costly personal election sacrifice. Hold the thank you notes, just donate to Trump, Inc. campaign headquarters. If there’s any left over, I can always start more great universities or make my steak, tie, magazine and water business great again.
A Billionaire’s Frame on History
Let’s start with Plymouth Rock because I just love Puritans — first opportunistic visionaries to realize how much money could be made here. Why else take huge risks, stuck on tiny ships with terrible food across a big ocean? Remember, they started from scratch — just like I did. Escaping England because they hated aristocrats, Puritans planted our Anglo-Saxon roots, prepping for Manifest Destiny. We don’t call it New England for nothing, a huge step-up over decrepit Old England, with stupid leaders squandering the colony worth trillions today. They were so inept they soon lost an entire empire. By the way, Puritan men were tougher than nails, convinced greatness depends on strict rules plus women and children knowing their place. Great models.
Then came unbelievable Founders, able to put big words and ideas in the right order. They went well beyond Puritan forebears, leveraging land investments, labor and production, plus trading, thus the need for corporations and a potent military force. Look, like us, they needed arms and firm borders against invading foreigners. No wonder, around 1812 Brits shocked us awake by burning our White House down. Trust me, that never happens under my watch. That’s what nukes are for.
Okay, a few Founders held slaves, but that’s how big agriculture was done then; we know better now about treating under-educated employees, making them accept free market wages — or go hungry. It wasn’t too long before one of our greatest innovations, the Republican Party, got going, then elected its first president, Lincoln. And boom, he turns out to be the greatest of all time, until modern times, of course.
Let’s not overlook notable early rebellions, some anticipating my bold insurgency. Like the Shays or Whiskey Rebellions.That’s when ordinary folks grabbed guns (no gun laws, good old days) to confront heavy-handed federalism. I know this view isn’t P.C., but I won’t come down hard on Confederates, as if they weren’t patriotic when exercising Second Amendment rights to defend what they saw as protected private property. What else could they do when the North steamrolled states rights?
Inspirational Gilded Age
After that conflict came our most productive, truly inspiring Gilded Age when we, to speak bluntly, alone created the entire modern age. Certainly, cheap slave and immigrant labor helped, with millions eager to move anywhere and work for peanuts. Really, has any Democrat ever liberated six million workers who built America? Never, Hillary only wants to put them on welfare. Let’s applaud those incredible financial geniuses, unfairly called Robber Barons, who concocted huge, national industries for railroads, steel, oil, construction, factories and mining.
Then came WWI, along with the American First movement. Who knows how we got dragged into saving Europe from itself? Not once but twice. Does the great United States always have to clean up small-fry European states who can’t stand each other? Just like today’s Mideast, where terrorists start 20-year wars over trivial religious disagreements. People still wonder why our current ally, Japan, ambushed Pearl Harbor. Talk about stupid, paying a big price joining big time losers in Nazi Germany and fascist Italy. No one doubts why we won the peace, being the freest, smartest, most productive people, thanks to that sacred marriage of individualism and capitalism second to none.
Of course, I don’t put Russia, who by the way never fought us in a war, as an enemy. They don’t cheat on currency and trade like the Chinese. And Russia is like us, with dreams of regaining greatness, as my buddy Putin says. Massive profit potential in Russia, so I say, let bygones be bygones. For my money, Putin’s the best thing that’s happened to Russia, way better than nasty communists who outlawed private property and thus killed total business growth for a century.
So, after we alone won WWII, naturally we became the richest country in the history of the world. We had so much extra we could share the winnings with loyal allies. We generously exported our industrial might, not only reinforcing American exceptionalism but remade the world. I take Eisenhower as an early Reagan, who finished the Second American revolution. Reagan explains why America has more billionaires than anyone else — and more jobs and more cash flow to spend on security. I hate war, especially dumb ones, but national security rules my roost.
Make the World Great Again
If I didn’t know America was once great, and can be again, you think I’d be losing money by running for president? I can’t tell you the untold profits I’ve already sacrificed the past year. Anyway, remember the golden days of 1950’s and 1980’s — two high-points under Republican rule. Look what the disgusting ’60’s and ’90’s dumped in our laps: social unrest, violent protests and needless wars like Iraq. Look what happened when Clinton and Obama got in — collapse and nightmares galore.
We must change the status quo, precisely the way American history teaches us to do unbelievable reforms. If more people embraced my viewpoint on our history, they’d understand how one outstanding leader, chosen by destiny thanks to wealth production, will outdo any hack politician in greatness. Whoops, gotta go, chat with assorted rich folks to help fund our noble cause. I am rich but not enough to save America on my own dime. Next time, we’ll talk about making Europe great again: all they have to do is listen to me and follow our way. That would be refreshing.