Trump’s ever more bonkers alibi charade parade to escape jail 

"Maybe, just maybe, before I die I will admit the real truth: the Devil made me do it.”


Trumpworld is getting much more predictable. Inevitably, Trump and gang will be found guilty of felonies, whether in D.C. or Georgia or both. Or in New York, Florida and via Elector fraud state litigation. Pick ’em. Painful penalties should accrue, though Trump’s imprisonment is still up in the air. Since Trump will do anything to avoid jail or penalties, let alone being responsible, let’s outline potential falloffs from today’s pathetic defenses to manifestly lying, bonkers excuses. Who doubts this alibi charade will defy reason and common sense?

In the big picture, if either Trump or Trumpism is rocked to its core, the other withers. Who knows how long slavish suckers will subsidize Trump’s mammoth legal costs as the gather-around-the-victim-messiah soap opera endures? When Trumpism falls, so does the nasty permission to defy elections, media reporting, the elected president, diverse (now abused) prosecutors and the entire criminal justice system, aka “law and order.”

Further, how long will it take for a growing majority to realize that any doofus who’d for one minute trust a scheming Manafort, an unstable Gen. Flynn, cranky Pillow Guy, goofball Sydney Powell or total wacko Giuliani exposes exactly who he is and how he operates to destroy the status quo, then dominate (or “redeem”) the chaos. Were these deviant insiders insufficient, cite Trump’s favorite two mentors, his racist father and the icon of sleaze, Roy Cohn. 

For now, the opening gambits of the TAC—the Trump Alibi Charade farce are visible and garner political leverage:

1) Trump: “I had no other choice. I had to battle evil-doers or all would be lost.” That’s the infamous defense on election results or peaceful transfer of power, the “benign” Capitol riots, conspiracies to usurp state election results, and the need to purloin top secret documents (really, for THEIR protection?). Absolutist on executive privilege (once gained, it’s permanently his), all of Trump’s criminality reflects his anti-social, anti-democratic presumption that nothing impedes his willfulness. Trump advances Nixon’s mockery of the law (“when the president does it, that means it can’t be illegal”), “Whatever I do, before or afterwards, is never illegal, nor open to prosecution.” Trump as king Louis XIV, “l’état, c’est moi,” captures his limitless, dictatorial arrogance. Like Putin, “taking the law into his own hands” is how entitled kings of the mountain strongmen fulfill their destiny. 

2) Trump: “Because I can’t break the law, all indictments must be false, conniving, unjustified persecutions.” Weaponized prosecutors act only from scurrilous motifs, their sole mission to block Trump’s rightful chance to win re-election. Being “framed” in Trumpworld turns into a fundraising bonanza, like a jujitsu master, turning reputation crushers to his advantage. The more and worse the indictments, the greater the inquisition he must overcome, proving enemies will do everything to destroy MAGA.

3) Trump: “I am an indestructible, entitled martyr,” acting with divine approval. That justifies the bizarre “I am your retribution” lunacy. Evangelicals love Trump because they agree God’s on Trump’s side, excusing all his countless character flaws. No MAGA God would allow bad faith, deep state and corporate elites to oppress populist freedoms. Because the world is rife with corruption, special martyrs are entitled to transcend norms, laws, and majority systems that stand against Trump, MAGA, and the cosmic quest for liberation. 

4) Trump: “These indictments culminate and prove the wicked hatred I garnered by talking truth to power. Look at the assaults against my innocent family, as pure as I, or the merciless drubbing of advisers and officials I perfectly picked to support my presidency. The malice and viciousness is unbelievable because bad guys can’t stand to have their power monopoly impaired. Believe me, elite creeps really can’t stand to lose. Oppressors must hate my fight for freedom because they know I will never give up, even if impoverished, disgraced and/or incarcerated.” 

In short, the noble, heroic Trump did nothing wrong. Such MAGA fanaticism justifies every legal shenanigan—denial, obfuscation, legal delays and manipulations—because Trump mercilessly fights ruthless, unprincipled devils using the corrupt system to flog foes. These alibis are all about fighting fire with fire. Of course what endangers the Trump gang is forever doing whatever they damn well please by any means possible, thus inviting endless, detailed indictments (hardly the brightest bulbs). Eventually, such court obstacles are exhausted, trials get under way and illegalities will be confirmed, thus inviting more convoluted alibis:

5) Trump: “I am innocent because I wasn’t responsible, forever misled by legal counsel. I didn’t always understand the outcomes.” Like aggrieved Jan. 6 protestors, Trump whines about his supposed good intentions—to protest, not to destroy the system, and this distortion of his good faith explains why the DOJ crucifies him and followers. These excuses avoid denying the facts while using them to excuse criminality. Like all guilty career criminals. In short, more victimization defenses that reluctantly accept what the evidence proves, more or less. 

6) Trump: “Phony convictions still distort what happened, who did what and why.” This repeated alibi rewrites the Jan. 6 riots as peaceful, patriotic protests by injured citizens exercising their (Constitutional!?) rights. No real damage occurred, no one was threatened with hanging and all fatalities look to police abuses, not rightful protest. Okay, something happened but the media corrupts the perspective and more such excuses to come.

But when the convictions mount, across a diversity of wickedness, Trump delusions also expand:

7) Trump: “Okay, some laws were broken but I am still innocent because I didn’t know what I was doing.” This is the “innocence by ignorance” argument that admits the defendant was so overwhelmed by the office, the circumstances and dicey advisers that his reality TV brain couldn’t process the complexity. He’s just a plain joe, after all, and his special “genius” has its input limits. In short, “I must have been in over my head.”

8) “Though secret, I have a hidden medical condition that can impair my mental agility, especially foreseeing outcomes. A very few doctors, while verifying my overall, manly fitness, did mention I could be on a spectrum. Am I so different from big man Mitch McConnell or fake president Joe Biden? Age takes its toll. Thus enormous pressure, and a slight inability to accept losing at anything, do impact otherwise brilliant leadership.” A bad faith sympathy ploy.

9) “As a result, the strain of the presidency, on top of my slight medical conditions, excuse some regrettable events. It turns out that fighting so hard to get to the top – and believe me I never stop – took a big toll. In retrospect, maybe I was not always equal to the “perfect phone calls” I orchestrated. So it’s not exactly my fault and I should be forgiven and left to live out my life.

And when even unbelievable, improbable alibis falter, with jail looking Trump in the face, the truly bizarre starts: 

10) “Now I can tell you. None of these indictments refer to events that actually happened. As with the fake moon landings, the fabricated 9/11 attacks, and the coverup of massive voter fraud in 2020, demonic opponents use Artificial Intelligence magic to create all the lies that cable TV, desperate for audiences, kept playing. I never saw an attack on the Capitol, nor visible injuries—we’re talking a make-believe movie made to humiliate and force me from power. America was duped, my family threatened, so I kept quiet. Phony, phony, phony from start to finish.”

11) “Okay, if I must to avoid jail time, I admit it. I might be more unbalanced than I once was. Will that get me off the hook? Who punishes compromised people who couldn’t know what they didn’t know, even exactly what they were doing? Call it narcissism or wanting to get your way, whatever. Consider it temporary insanity if that would cancel all the illegitimate indictments, unjust convictions, and unfair punishments. I always meant well and did my best so I can’t be a true criminal.

“Doesn’t that mean I should get to live out my life as a comfortable billionaire? I only regret I couldn’t achieve all my goals or get away with all that I tried. If America can overlook my few small infractions, I am big enough to acknowledge a few things went awry. Doesn’t every ex-president deserve a little special treatment and whatever dignity remains? I still want that library with Trump in all caps for all time. After all, I did make history, at least a big splash, and I notched so many incredible successes. Doesn’t that all count? And maybe, just maybe, before I die I will admit the real truth: the Devil made me do it.”


If you liked this article, please donate $5 to keep NationofChange online through November.

Previous articleWhy is Kaiser Permanente engaging in corporate Kabuki?
Next articleThe political rise of a new white nationalism
For over a decade, Robert S. Becker's independent, rebel-rousing essays on politics and culture analyze overall trends, history, implications, messaging and frameworks. He has been published widely, aside from Nation of Change and RSN, with extensive credits from OpEdNews (as senior editor), Alternet, Salon, Truthdig, Smirking Chimp, Dandelion Salad, Beyond Chron, and the SF Chronicle. Educated at Rutgers College, N.J. (B.A. English) and U.C. Berkeley (Ph.D. English), Becker left university teaching (Northwestern, then U. Chicago) for business, founding SOTA Industries, a top American high end audio company he ran from '80 to '92. From '92-02, he was an anti-gravel mining activist while doing marketing, business and writing consulting. Since then, he seeks out insight, even wit in the shadows, without ideology or righteousness across the current mayhem of American politics.