Does America have the balls – or means – to buy out malignant swamp dwellers?

On John Oliver’s satiric bribe* to the Supreme Court’s king of corruption.


Do good folks command enough riches
To shun outcasts with bloated britches?
Let’s reverse bonus baby sports payouts
With cash that exiles lawless washouts.

What else to do when a public figure
Dishonors what’s tough to re-chigger – 
When broken impeachment hardly fits, 
And law can’t sting grotesque misfits?

Elections hardly make cavemen scram
Despite the shit-storms hitting the fan.
The sleaziest evade, rife with tricks,
Mobster Trump squeezes every quick fix.

Though besieged by public upheaval,
Still bribes define the root of evil.
Yet Oliver’s ploy eyes redemption,
A slam dunk vs. trials and detention. 

Depraved Thomas may pocket the cash
If only to end truckloads of trash; 
Yet paltry millions fall short of greed,
If sire Avarice scoffs at chicken feed.

For the insatiable, here’s chump change – 
For the greediest, the full stock exchange.
Since Supremes think they’re beyond compare,
Grifters demand what the market will bear.

But will Clarence seize a better chance
To snub Washington with sneers askance?
Deported to his own treasure island,
He’ll lord over rubes, the guy in command.

If cash falls short as magic turnkey,
Let’s throw in a motor coach for free.
This crookedest of judges has thirty days
To take the prizes and leave unfazed.

Then Thomas writes his lurid memoir
To settle scores ‘gainst foes near and far;
If payola can exile this schlump,
Won’t all wonder: what takes out Trump?

* Reports the Daily Beast: comedian “John Oliver Offers Clarence Thomas Millions to Resign Immediately” –  at a million dollars a year. Start the support GoFundMe ploy today. 


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For over a decade, Robert S. Becker's independent, rebel-rousing essays on politics and culture analyze overall trends, history, implications, messaging and frameworks. He has been published widely, aside from Nation of Change and RSN, with extensive credits from OpEdNews (as senior editor), Alternet, Salon, Truthdig, Smirking Chimp, Dandelion Salad, Beyond Chron, and the SF Chronicle. Educated at Rutgers College, N.J. (B.A. English) and U.C. Berkeley (Ph.D. English), Becker left university teaching (Northwestern, then U. Chicago) for business, founding SOTA Industries, a top American high end audio company he ran from '80 to '92. From '92-02, he was an anti-gravel mining activist while doing marketing, business and writing consulting. Since then, he seeks out insight, even wit in the shadows, without ideology or righteousness across the current mayhem of American politics.