America’s Archvillain, And His Arch of Tr(i)ump(h)

Yes, give him full credit. Without a doubt, he’s now planning to be America’s archvillain forever and a day, all six foot three of him — or, in the years to come, do I mean all 250 feet of him? Depending on how things turn out, he — or do I mean it? — certainly should be considered not just this country’s archvillain, but potentially its archenemy, too. And believe me, I’m not putting any of this too archly.

As “our” president recently said, “There will be no facility like this anywhere in the World.” And because we’re talking about a creation of Donald J. Trump, you can count on that, since there’s no one quite like the president of these (increasingly dis-)United States anywhere in the — and yes, I guess I should cap it, too — World. So, nowhere will there be another arch of triumph (or arc de triomphe, if you prefer) that will “house, store, and have the rapid ability to use large numbers of drones, plus Snipers, on both the roof and plaza areas, and additionally have and hold large quantities of sniper ammunition in storage.”

Hey, Snipers (with a capital S) just outside downtown Washington, D.C., at the intersection of Arlington Memorial Bridge and Memorial Avenue within George Washington Memorial Parkway! Honestly, what could possibly go wrong with that? I can’t imagine. In fact, though its construction hasn’t even begun, I feel that our country is already archly triumphant!

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After all, there it will be between Arlington National Cemetery and the Lincoln Memorial, overshadowing them both, and who in this country, no less the world (yes, this very world, capitalized or not!), would want anything less than “a top grade Military Complex/Triumphal Arch” (gilded, of course!) in their nation’s capital? And this one, in particular, will certainly be a distinctive arch of triumph for You Know Exactly Who (or YKEW). I mean, who wouldn’t want to snipe away at (not to say annihilate) not just much of the rest of Washington but the world from 250 feet in the air?

I can hardly wait to see it happen and I might not have to wait too long, since “our” president seems to be planning to ensure that the excavation for it will begin before the November elections.

What a shame that some all-too-grumpy Americans, deeply unappreciative of a president like no other in the long history of this country (or perhaps any country), are complaining. In fact, a bunch of Vietnam War veterans and an architectural historian have already filed a “lawsuit alleging the arch would desecrate the hallowed grounds of Arlington National Cemetery.” But honestly, how could such an arch, built by no less a figure than YKEW, desecrate anything? It seems unimaginable to me. Crate it, maybe, but desecrate it, not a chance.

After all, we’re talking about the perfect president for this distinctly triumphant (or maybe, to be more precise, this plain old phant) moment of ours (and I’m not being arch here… or wait, maybe I am!). I mean, we’re talking about a time when, as the Guardian recently reported, “The planetary life support systems relied upon by humans have deteriorated to their worst levels ever recorded amid ongoing pollution and habitat destruction, according to a key yet grim annual update by scientists.” And in the coming months alone, scientists are indeed expecting 450,000 or more extra deaths globally from the super El Niño already settling onto this ever warmer planet of… well, it’s hard to say “ours” anymore, isn’t it?

Meanwhile, “our” president has been claiming, while beginning to build that glorious memorial to humanity (or at least Trumpmanity, with an emphasis on the “man,” of course), that he might do nothing less than “annihilate”… okay, here’s a challenge for you: what did he say he would annihilate? No, not Greenland! He’s going to personally rule that island nation. (Whoops, sorry, he’s actually settled for far less than that in his recent agreement with Denmark and that island!)

The answer, in case you haven’t already guessed it, is, of course, Iran, which he claimed he might possibly “annihilate” if its leaders and people don’t act exactly the way he wants them to. Or, as he put it anything but archly, asking a question to which he may or may not know the answer, “Do I annihilate the Islamic Republic and do it quickly, never giving them a chance to kill and destroy people and countries again? Do I drive them into hell with no chance of survival and no hope of future greatness or generations?”

A Trumpian Arch of Tr(i)ump(hal) Proportions

And in such a world, what could possibly be better than a distinct arch of Tr(i)ump(h) in Washington, D.C., so that no one will ever forget him, even after his third or fourth term in office (and to hell with the 22nd Amendment)? After all, as he’s already noted, “Out of the 59 top cities and Capitals, Washington, D.C., IS THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD THAT DOES NOT HAVE A TRIUMPHAL ARCH, but it will now and, by far, the greatest of them all!” Including those Snipers, of course!

And the very idea of “the greatest of them all” goes so perfectly with the spectacular “military complex” and dance hall he’s now building on the ruins of the East Wing of the White House! (We’re talking about the president who lost his architect for that building when he decided to ignore safety codes, claiming, “I am the code.” After all, who needs emergency exits when you’ve got Donald Trump?)

Why should such a ruling edifice like the White House even have wings (like some kind of misbegotten bird), if no one’s planning on flying anywhere (especially in a world where snipers might be on an arch nearby)? Under the circumstances — after all these empty centuries in Washington — what more could you ask for than a national capital that has the arch of all times anywhere? And how better might our president be defended, while dancing his head off during his prospective (but as yet barely mentioned) third term in office?

Now, admittedly, to put all of this (all too archly) in context, it’s almost as if we were now living in a comic book world, one in which Archie (get it?) and Jughead might have known just what to do, but we certainly don’t — and above all “our” president, who did manage to make over a thousand stock sales and purchases worth between $79 million and $270 million in July alone (or at least they were made in his name), certainly doesn’t. Give him credit, however. Having thrown the Middle East into a full-scale hell on Earth, the global economy into chaos, and racked up (as Nick Turse has reported at The Intercept) a surprising set of American casualties in his chaotic now-I-do-it-now-I-don’t war with Iran, it’s remarkable that he can still focus, however archly, on the most important things on this planet as president of the Trumped States of America.

I mean, we’re on a world in which, as the Guardian’s Oliver Milman recently reported cheerily enough, “The planetary life support systems relied upon by humans have deteriorated to their worst levels ever recorded amid ongoing pollution and habitat destruction, according to a key yet grim annual update by scientists.”

So, thank heavens that arch will indeed be going up so triumphantly. Otherwise, what kind of attention would our country’s archvillain Donald Trump get now that he’s barred so many reporters from the White House — and imagine what he might have done if he already had a 250-foot triumphal arch with snipers! If it weren’t for his urge to build all 250 feet of it, he might find himself, however archly, if not asleep, then in a NAP (which, in case you don’t happen to know that acronym, is, of course, the No-Attention-Presidential state), which is his definition of hell on Earth.