If I Were the American Dictator


America is thirsty for change and is looking for the right person to tackle its enormous problems. Bernie Sanders has a lot of good ideas, but let’s face it, if those ideas were so easy to implement, why doesn’t Obama do it in the next few months? Yeah, the Republicans. Well, the overall composition of Congress is not going to change much at all after the election. So, really, the only way to reboot America is to have a smart, benevolent dictator. So I ask for your vote to make me that Supreme Leader. This is my plan, a lot of which will be efficiently accomplished in the first week.

Day 1: Pay off the National Debt!

Did you know that the super-rich have squirreled away tens of trillions in offshore accounts? It was $32 trillion a few years back and will be much higher now. This is akin to the feudal lords having a secret barn to hide all the grains that the peasants produced with their sweat and blood.

On day one, I will repatriate all that money back home and tax it just enough to pay off the federal debt – about $19 trillion – as well as the state and local governments’ debt – about $3 trillion. (Okay, practically, if you pay it off in one day, it will wreck the bond market, so this will be done gradually). Don’t feel bad for the oligarchs, since this will leave about $15 trillion in their pockets that they will be forced to invest in America. Then governments at every level will be mandated to balance the budget every year and live within their means.

Day 2: Simplify Taxes and Reduce Inequality

It’s a no-brainer that the tax code is really out of control and Americans are being taxed too much. Under my rule, the first $50,000 of your earned money is yours. Period. No income tax – Federal or State – on those. You would have to pay into social security and Medicare, but it’s investment in your future. After $50,000, there will be a progressive tax that will resemble what we had in the 1950s, the highest tax-bracket being 90%. And there will be no deductions, loopholes, exceptions, credits and other mumbo-jumbo crap. For most people, it will take less than an hour to do their taxes. IRS will be cut by 75% and TurboTax may go out of business. Too bad.

The welfare system will also be largely eliminated since people will be making enough money to provide for themselves. There will also be a sustainability campaign to change the way Americans consume and save.

In this new America, a majority of Americans will belong to a solid Middle Class; there will also many more millionaires, but no billionaires.

Day 3: Ban GMOs, Change Our Food System

The psychotic cycle of feeding people harmful food and then treating them for diseases must end. Monsanto and other GMO-peddling corporations will be completely phased out over a year or two for non-GMO seed companies to ramp up. New government funding will be provided to study and improve organic agriculture.

All children will learn gardening and cooking in schools. Homework will include growing plants and trees at home. Even in a small apartment, children can learn how to grow herbs and flowers. Cities and towns around the country will have “food forests” that will provide free vegetables and fruits. Farmer’s Markets will become permanent fixtures in America. Veganism will be encouraged; all animals will be pasture-raised in cruelty-free environments where they will eat real food they love and enjoy a life without hormones and steroids.

Day 4: Whip Big Pharma Into Shape, Fund Holistic Medicine

Big Pharma fudges most of its so-called “scientific” studies. This corruption will be stopped, with mandatory prison sentences for any scientist caught peddling fiction. The FDA, CDC, EPA and all agencies will be freed from the grips of corporate stooges, crony capitalism and revolving doors. The practice of direct advertisements to customers, bribing doctors, influencing publications and outsourcing white papers will all disappear in a jiffy.

New medical colleges will be established to bring back holistic medicine and naturopathy. Traditional doctors from India, China and the Amazon will be brought in to share ancient medicines and theories. Medicinal plants will be grown all over America, with free seeds and seedlings provided to all citizens.

Our healthcare cost will be driven down by keeping people healthy and escaping the for-profit, patented medicine that primarily focuses on alleviating the symptoms rather than curing the underlying causes or making the patient healthy.

Day 5: Break Up Many Large Corporations

The concentration of power and wealth in America is astounding. A lot of it is because huge corporations have been swallowing up small businesses for the last forty years. So, like we did with AT&T once, I will break up several large corporations into smaller ones.

We really don’t need a family like the Waltons with $100 billion. So, after a friendly visit by them to the new White House, they will announce that they will give away $90 billion of their family wealth to a foundation that will do two things: one, redistribute $30 billion of that money to all the current and former Walmart employees; two, use the other $60 billion to help Americans all over the nation establish small businesses that will take over the services that Walmart currently provides. Walmart will be gone, but will be fondly remembered.

Next will be the corrupt mainstream media. Six corporate giants control most of the garbage news that Americans get. In my rule, no corporation will be allowed to control more than one TV or radio station. There will similar limits on newspapers, magazines and book publishing as well. A truly independent and a diverse media is the lifeblood of any free nation.

Board of directors in companies will be tracked so that one person doesn’t sit on multiple boards. There won’t be incestuous relationships across various corporations.

Corporations will be run for the benefits of employees and not just for the upper management. Stock buybacks using debt, moving the headquarters to foreign countries, meddling of “activist” investors and other shenanigans will be banned. Most people will have more stability in their jobs. Outsourcing will also be discouraged and punished with tax increase.

Day 6: FED, Big Banks, and Wall Street

The Federal Reserve Bank is a private corporation owned by member banks. This is a fact least understood by Americans. The Fed also creates money out of thin air and gives it to us as “debt.” No, thanks! We can create debt-free money. Also, why would the Fed set the interest rates in a free market? Defeats the whole purpose of a free market. So, the Fed will be ended or simply changed to a normal government agency that studies the U.S. economy and gives good advice.

All banks will be converted to credit unions – non-profit, depositor-owned banking systems that lend money to individuals and businesses. They won’t be speculating in the stock market or the dark derivatives. Hedge funds and private Wall Street firms can do that. This will end all bailout or bail-in scenarios.

Day 7: Lots of Rest

Day 8 through Beyond

As JFK reminded us, we have to ask what we can do for our country (and the world). Politicians are too scared to ask people to sacrifice or change their behavior. Everyone promises goodies and doesn’t ask for anything in return except votes. That has to change.

So, quickly, other changes during my benevolent dictatorship will be:

  • American military bases around the world will be swiftly shut down or converted into international military bases with soldiers and funding from multiple nations. The Empire and its hegemony will be dismantled.
  • Will stop mass surveillance and random spying. Spying will be used to get rid of all the drug dealers and criminals within a month. All illegal guns will be quickly confiscated. After that, spying will be done only for justifiable and probable causes approved by the courts.
  • Police will go back to how they looked thirty years ago.
  • Solar Panels on (almost) every home. More investment on improved solar technology and efficiency.
  • Solar power will be used to get free, fresh water out of the ocean. It is beyond ridiculous that there is so much drought all over the country, even in places such as California. To build pipelines for oil but not for water is bad public policy.
  • Cable TV will consist of mostly educational channels – documentaries and other substantive programs. Stupid programs will be canceled (yes, as a country, we have forgotten what stupid)
  • Endless broadcast of national sports will be dramatically reduced. People should be playing sports rather than sitting on their asses and watching someone else perform.
  • Education will be revamped. The people behind Common Core Curriculum will be prosecuted and sent to Guantanamo. Simple and fun ways to learn will be emphasized, mind-numbing homework will be gone, and parents will be held to higher standards regarding their child’s progress. Meditation, gardening and outdoor activities will be included in the normal curriculum all through the educational system.
  • Everything will be done to encourage nuclear and extended families and a sense of belonging in communities all over the country. Rather than 300 million people watching TV at home every night, there will be 300 million people getting to know their neighbors, strolling in their neighborhoods, cooking, dancing, playing sports, volunteering and rebuilding America.

That, my friends, is the vision for America under my benevolent dictatorship. If you don’t like it, I will send you to Guantanamo along with the founders of Common Core. Just kidding!


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